Catching Up on My Correspondence

 

Dear John Edwards:

Thank you very much for washing out early in the 2008 Presidential election.  Otherwise, I’m afraid I might have wasted a vote on you and that would have made me very cranky.  You see, I firmly believe that our President should be able to count backwards from nine, and clearly you have a little bit of trouble in that area.  Either that, or you’ve never heard of this newfangled technology called DNA testing.  You really should get out more… it’s been in all the papers.

Disappointedly yours, Laura

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Dear NBC Executives: 

I’m not sure if you’re aware of this, but most people are not allowed to keep their jobs after they’ve made an incredibly embarrassing, very public error that ends up costing their company $45 million.  You might want to hang on to your cushy corner offices, because you’re never going to get a better deal.

Career advicedly yours, Laura

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Dear David Letterman:

I know you employ your own booking agents, so I hate to intrude.  However, may I suggest a guest for your March 1st show?  You see, this red-headed comedian may very well be available that evening and I think it would pretty much rock if his former employer and co-worker crashed and burned on their first night back at work.

Ironically yours, Laura

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Dear State of Massachusetts Democratic Party:

You couldn’t find one electable democrat in the entire mostly-liberal state?  Seriously?  You had to lose to a guy who once posed naked in Cosmopolitan magazine?

Amazedly yours, Laura

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Dear The Bachelor:

Please stop being surprised by the fact that a woman who volunteers to dress half-naked and hook up on national TV with a strange man she just met turns out to be a little skanky. 

Astutely yours, Laura

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 Dear Angelina Jolie, Nicole Kidman and Keira Knightly:

 Please eat a sandwich.  With mayonnaise.

  Concernedly yours, Laura

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