Let me be very clear. I’m not basing my retirement plans on either the Maine Lottery system or the gaming tables of Las Vegas. That said, everyone dreams about what they would do if they suddenly won the lottery and I’m no exception.
First, of course I’ll do all the boring things that everyone says they will do when they come into a large sum of money. I’ll pay my bills, give money to my family to pay their bills, donate to worthy charities…
Yada, yada, yada
But once the bills are paid and the worthy causes taken care of, how am I going to truly splurge?
I am going to build the movie theater to end all movie theaters.
Okay… Maybe it won’t quite be that grand.
But it will still be pretty cool.
Obviously there will be 1 screen showing musicals at all time. (duh) Then I thought there could be at least 2-3 screens showing various classic movies that most people have never seen on the big screen like Gone with the Wind; Casablanca; Citizen Kane, etc… I’ll also make sure that independent films that never seem to get to Maine will have a home.
There will be themes! Peter O’Toole week will be followed by Jimmy Stewart month. We will host movie marathons of all types: All 3 Godfathers; 6 Star Wars; I forget how many Indiana Jones movies there are now, but we’ll show them all! I can’t even wait to plan Halloween Horror Month. We will also have screening rooms available for anyone – like families that want to show their home movies on the big screen. I thought it would be nice to have one screen playing Disney movies 24-hours a day for parents with fussy babies who usually just drive around in the car all night trying to get their kids to sleep.
Cell phones will be confiscated at the door. There will be no calls, texting or checking your messages at this theater. Audience members who talk during the movie will very nicely be asked to be quiet once. Once. They will then be very nicely removed from the theater. Exceptions will obviously be made for midnight Rocky Horror showings. Kids will be welcomed to all the kid-appropriate movies. However, they will not be allowed at movies that start after 9pm or at movies that I think are too scary for them. (Yes. I know I don’t have kids and shouldn’t judge the appropriateness of movies for other people’s children, but I still haven’t gotten over my own personal trauma at seeing a dad bring his 4 year old to The Dark Knight. The kid was freaking out and the dad just shushed him so he could keep watching. That won’t happen in this theater.)
4. Staff and Seating
The people who work at this theater will all be movie buffs and able to converse knowledgably about movies. The seats will be comfy and plush, and they will be spaced far enough apart so that the people behind you can’t kick your chair even if they try.
Popcorn will be freshly-popped, slathered in butter and free. People will also be welcomed to bring in any food of their own that they want. But honestly, the popcorn is going to be so good that there really won’t be any need…
So, who’s with me?
I’ve got the dream. All I need now is a winning ticket, a really good blackjack hand or an anonymous benefactor.