Do Fellas Make Passes…? (I’ll Let you Know)


I’ve had perfect vision my entire life.  That’s pretty impressive considering the fact my sister wears glasses. My mother wears glasses. My father wears glasses. All of my grandparents wore glasses.

Most of the men I’ve dated or wanted to date have worn glasses (not germane to the story, but true…)



Eight years ago I was getting a lot of headaches, so I went to the eye doctor to see if there was a problem with my vision.  His response was that my vision was getting a little weaker, but I’d probably be fine without glasses for another year or two…


Cut to last month.  (Yes, yes, eight years later.)

I was driving home and passed one of these signs:


At least I think it was a Yield sign.  I realized that while I saw the red triangle, I could only assume what was inside because the text was too fuzzy to make out. It could have said “Yellow” or “Yatzee” or “Yeti” for all I knew.

Yup. I decided it was time to go back to the eye doctor and shockingly enough I was told that I needed glasses.  Since I apparently couldn’t see either far away or close-up, I had a few choices:

  • Progressive lenses (aka bifocals without the lines for people like me who are sensitive about needing glasses because we’re old and will curl in a ball and cry if someone suggests we need bifocals)
  • Bifocals (see above)
  • Two separate pairs of glasses (only one of which would be covered by insurance and would also double my chances of breaking/ losing a pair)
  • Contact lenses (nope. can’t touch my eyeball. sorry.)

I decided to go with the progressive lenses and asked my sister to come help me pick out the frames.  All in all, I’m pretty pleased with our choice.


So, how  am I adjusting?

Well, here are my rules to those new to glasses in general and progressive lenses in particular.

  • When you fall over your feet in the Kohl’s parking lot because you made the mistake of looking down while walking, thank the nice man who comes running over to help you.
  • On a related note, take the elevator at work.  The stairs are not worth the risk.
  • It is kind of amazing how clear things are when you can see properly.  I now know that the sign I saw really did say “Yield.”
  • Finally, when you find yourself in a hotel where the hallway looks like it was created by the set designer from The Shining?  Just close your eyes and hang on to the wall.


2 thoughts on “Do Fellas Make Passes…? (I’ll Let you Know)

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