Home Improvements

Last week I celebrated four years of owning my home.  When I bought it, it was desperately in need of a little TLC.  (Think of the house purchased by George & Mary Bailey in “It’s a Wonderful Life” for a suitable comparison.)  It only took 3 gallons of industrial strength cleanser, 60 coats of paint on every possible surface, the removal of all rugs and window fixtures, new cabinets and new appliances, but the house is now something to really be proud of.  This anniversary reminded me of a writing assignment I did at Stonecoast last month where we were asked to create a list of 5 Rules for anything in the world about which we could speak with authority. 

Behold… Laura’s 5 Rules for Home Improvement:

1.  Do-it-yourself books can be very helpful.  I currently purchased one just thin enough to wedge in the space between a rattling window and its sill.

2.  There is no problem that can’t be solved with a hammer.  The corollary to this rule is that it takes approximately six weeks for a thumbnail to grow back.

3.  There’s nothing wrong with writing your phone number on the wall of the local plumbing college.

4.  If you purchase your house at an exceptionally good price, there is usually a reason.  The reason will make itself known to you during the hours of 2am and 5am on a holiday weekend.

5.  Duct tape is your friend.

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